March 2nd, 2020
Today I took a field trip into the hills of the beautiful state of Kentucky for a small adventure. My assignment was to interview a famous hillbilly living outside the confines of city life: Snuffy Smith himself. I first arrived in the beautiful city of Louisville by plane and enjoyed some of what it had to offer (sadly, the famous Kentucky Derby was not to take place for another few months). Little did I know that this small piece of city life would be the last that I would enjoy for a while.
So the next morning I rented out a cheap Sedan and started my 2-hour trek into “Hootin’ Holler Mountain.” As I arrived at the coordinates that my boss had given me, however, there was no more road that I could drive through. Curiously enough, a horse covered in a yellow blanket with the words “Spark Plug” written on it (maybe that’s his name?) just happened to be standing right in front of me eating some tall grass. Spark Plug greeted me with a gentle neigh as he put his side on me, as if he wanted me to hop on top. I haven’t ridden any horses since I was a child so I cautiously hopped aboard Spark Plug’s back as he let out another happy neigh. He knew exactly where to go because I wasn’t giving him any direction or orders.
After about 30 minutes of gaiting, we reached this house tucked away in the hills. Unexpectedly, someone yelled out loud: “TARNATION, SPARK PLUG! Thar you are! Barney’s gonna be mad you run off like that! An’ who’s that ya brought wif ya? Hey, young feller’, what’s a flatland tourister like you doin’ here in Hootin’ Holler??” I introduced myself as one of the writers and editors for Comics Kingdom. As I was about to find out, I had reached my destination and found the man of the hour himself. “Pleased to meet’cha, I’m Snuffy Smith! Time’s a-wastin’, now spit out these here questions!”
CK: How are you today and what have you been up to recently?
SM: What have I been UP to?! Not much–always layin’ DOWN here restin’ my ol’ punkinhaid against this here stump.
CK: Have you lost any card bets lately? Or have you won big?
SM: Thanks to that extry ace I carry ‘roun’ in my hat, I won big at th’ card game last Saturday night! We didn’t have any money t’put in th’ pot, but we had some of our livestock. I won a big ol’ pig! I’ll have dee-licious bacon fer weeks an’ weeks an’ weeks to come! Yum!
CK: Have you ever been outside of Kentucky?
SM: Shore! I used t’go on adventures all over tarnation wif my pal Barney Google, but I think th’ last big trip we took t’gether was to Warshin’ton, DC many years ago. Back in 1996, I did go to New Yawk City fer a spell an’, of course, I traveled lots of places when I served in th’ Army. But thar’s no place on earth I’d rather be than good ol’ Hootin’ Holler!
CK: Which other US state would you be interested in traveling to?
SM: Enny state my trusty ol’ mule, Aunt Sukey, can carry me to! Actually, Virginia might be a fun state to visit wif my sweet Loweezy becuz I hear Virginia is fer lovers!
CK: How long has it been since you last had Moonshine?
I haven’t tetched th’ stuff since May of 1996 when I cooked my final batch in my last still, but I continue to enjoy rum balls ‘roun’ th’ holidays an’ rum cake whenever Maw makes it!
CK: How is your friend Barney Google? Would you consider going to the city to give him a surprise visit?
SM: He’s still bodaciously happy ’bout th’ big birfday party we gave him in June of 2019 an’ I think he’s plannin’ another visit back to Hootin’ Holler this coming April! As fer me visitin’ Barney in th’ big city? Great balls o’ fire! That would be fun!
CK: What are some things you can do in these hills that you wouldn’t be able to do in the city?
SM: In th’ big city, I wouldn’t be able to go fishin’ or huntin’, but I shore could get in some bodacious card games!
CK: What’s the silliest thing Loweezy has gotten mad at you for?
SM: She got mad at me recently when she asked me t’help her clean th’ house an’ I went fishin’ instead. While I wuz gone fishin’, she patched th’ roof, washed an’ hung up all th’ clothes, swept an’ cleaned th’ whole house an’ she wuzn’t even mad at me ennymore when I got home. She wuz HAPPY becuz she said she got a lot more done wifout me thar!
CK: What other animal would you love to have in your farm that you currently don’t have?
SM:Durin’ my Army days, my pal Barney Google sent me a kangaroo named Chosef! It sure would be bodacious fun to have ol’ Chosef back here in Hootin’ Holler!
CK: Who would you take hunting with you? Could be someone you know or someone famous.
SM: Lukey is my fav’rite huntin’ buddy from ‘roun’ here in Hootin’ Holler. But if’n I got to pick someone famous, I’d love t’go duck huntin’ wif my pals from th’ Duck Dynasty tee-vee show! I used to watch thar show on th’ Parson’s tee-vee purty often!
The ‘Duck Dynasty’ guys would love it out here, that’s for sure.
After I was done with the questions, I thanked him for his time but right before I started getting ready to head back, Snuffy Smith stopped me. “Now hold up,” he exclaimed, “ya came all th’ way out here and yo’re not even gonna try my Loweezy’s delicious Possum Pie?! I also hope yo’re good at poker, young feller’!” Intrigued by the invitation, I accepted. What followed was a whole day of laughs, feasting, learning to fish and hunt, and a newfound appreciation for country folk. No accents or communication barriers would get in the way of this newfound friendship!
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