Limiting Choices

By Jeremy Meltingtallow

(To embiggenate the image below, click any character’s insecurity.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Illegal Recreational Typos.

Today’s big, wide, Sunday cartoon is about how annoying Internet ads are. Yes, I know I have annoying ads on this site, too, but it isn’t by choice. If I want to operate under the umbrella of King Features’ cartoons, I have to play by their (relatively few) rules.

For the first many years of the Internet, one could view pretty much anything online for free, without the interruption of pop-ups and moving ads vying for our attention. But those days are gone as we knew they eventually would be.

As a consumer who likes free stuff, I’m bothered by that but as a person who provides this kind of content for a living and wants to eat daily and live indoors, I get it. As the newspaper industry shrinks (because people can get news for free and in more flashy and exciting ways on the Internet) those of us who provide content to newspapers (cartoonists, journalists, columnists, etc.) lose money. I can’t speak for others, but I’m not in a financial position to be able to work for free so I’ve had to look for ways to supplement my dwindling income.

I considered becoming a coal miner since the Apricot Satan has promised to restore that industry to its former pre-climate-science glory, but they told me that my aversion to simultaneously destroying our planet and my lungs would cause friction with my coworkers, so instead, I started a Bizarro Shop and a Tip Jar. The resulting extra income is a shadow of what it takes to maintain my workload so I moved to Mexico where I can live more cheaply. Still, I’m always looking for a way to grease my financial wheels enough to keep a few pesos in my pocket for tamales and the occasional tourist photo with a donkey.

On that topic, WE’RE HAVING A LABOR DAY SALE: 10% OFF ANYTHING IN THE SHOP. From midnight tonight, Sept. 2, 2018, until midnight tomorrow night, Monday, Sept. 3, 2018 (Eastern Time Zone U.S.), you can get anything in the shop for 10% off with this code: JAZZPICKLE

ALSO: the original Jazz Pickle #1 T-shirt seen below will be available for only one more week! After that, we’re replacing it with a new Jazz Pickle T-shirt design. Grab this one now, get the next one in a week! Olive Oyl and I will raise a tamale and recite the name of anyone purchasing both! (There may also be a shot of tequila involved in the ceremony.)

If you’re ready to find out what Wayno was up to last week, buckle your chinstrap and read on…

Most employees also stand in their toilet and lick their own anus, but that’s a problem for HR. 

Coincidental to the day this cartoon was published, we lost our beloved cat, Boo to old age. Just a quick shout out to her if she’s reading from the cat spirit world. We love you, kiddo.

Meanwhile, at the Oakgrove Hypochondria Clinic: “I need a prescription for a different placebo. This one is aggravating my gluten sensitivity.”  (Yes, I am aware that celiac disease (actual gluten sensitivity) is horrible but the imaginary person referenced in my above comment does not have that.)

For smaller batches, modern witches use the automated Mr. Potion instead of a cauldron.  I’ve also heard that tweeting curses is gaining popularity. And not just among witches.

One doesn’t often come across cartoons that are about both dismemberment and conjugation. Congrats, Wayno!

Politics are always a mess, but let’s face it—governing a population of violent, self-destructive apes is harder than it looks. And since I’m on the topic, here’s one of my old cartoons that addresses the same subject in more modern terms. (Please let me be the executor of that will!)

As if those plastic combs floating in formaldehyde aren’t creepy enough, this guy also has an eyeball in a jar. 

It has been my distinct pleasure to spend these few moments with you, Jazz Pickles. I hope the coming week goes well for you and you’ll drop back by next time. Until then, please have a peek at our links below and definitely don’t miss Wayno’s blog about this batch of cartoons and so much more! This week he includes the “landscape” strip versions of each of these panels and also a song you’ll be glad you weren’t at the recording session for. 

Wayno: WEEKLY BLOGTwitterInstagramWaynoVision

Piraro: BIZARRO SHOP (enamel pins, Hello Shitty, shirts and more!)  … Bizarro tip jar …Signed, numbered, limited edition prints and original cartoon art  …Bizarro Cartoons on Instagram  …Piraro Fine Art on Instagram Piraro Twitter … Piraro coloring book