Cradle Robbers

By Jeremy Meltingtallow

bz panel 07-30-13bz strip 07-30-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Walking Head.

Relationships of widely varying ages have always interested me. It is obvious that they can work; I personally know several people who are 20-or-more years apart and have enjoyed long and happy marriages. But I suspect those are the exception rather than the rule. Although I find young women attractive physically, I can’t get past their relative immaturity enough to be attracted to them for anything other than sex. That’s not to say that I have sex with much-younger women––I don’t. I’m the kind of person who doesn’t sleep with someone I’m not emotionally involved with. I’ve only once achieved an emotional attraction with someone who was notably younger than I (15 years) and while it was great fun for a while, it ended badly both emotionally and financially. I do not anticipate trying it again.

I don’t think it is unfair to say that extreme “May/December romances” are socially conspicuous. When a beautiful, 20-something woman walks into a restaurant with a dowdy, 50- or 60-something-year-old man, you can fairly safely assume one or more of three things: 1. He has a lot of money. 2. He has political power. 3. In spite of his advanced years, he has learned how to use a smart phone to send pictures of his genitals. (WARNING: This third point does not usually work unless you possess one or both of the first two points. A photo of a middle-class and politically impotent penis appearing on a woman’s cell phone is usually the event immediately preceding her blocking that number.)

Which brings us to some basic rules of life: 1. Do not electronically send pictures of your genitals to anyone unless you are prepared for them to be shared with the entire class.  2. Do not be surprised if your much-younger partner acts immaturely and posts your picture on the Internet.  3. If any person should request that you send them a picture of your genitals, send them this.

CLASSICS CORNER: bz 06-25-10 invasionToday’s golden oldie Bizarro is along the same lines as today’s current cartoon but features a short history lesson. Can you name all three British invasions? Answers are below.








ANSWERS: The Revolutionary War, the War of 1812, and this one.