June 21st, 2013

Rubber Limbs

by Wayno & Piraro

bz panel 06-20-13Bizarro is brought to you today by The Perfect Gift.

 

I’ve always enjoyed sports and exercise but I gave up running long ago because the constant impact is hard on one’s body. Recently, like a good Californian, I took up yoga. I did it because I’ve never been even remotely flexible and was beginning to routinely experience pain in my back, something my father has had a lot of trouble with in his senior years. In fact, Dad has become so inflexible in bz strip 06-20-13recent years that he is basically frozen in a fully-standing position and must be wheeled around on a hand truck like a figure from a wax museum.

I expected to hate yoga because as a person who couldn’t touch his knees without bending his knees (touching my toes was completely out of the question) stretching was actually quite painful. I’m happy to report, however, that after six months of yoga three times a week, I’m feeling better than I have since I was a kid. I can now touch my toes without bending my knees, my six pack is back (maybe a four pack), my balance and strength are much improved, my back virtually never hurts anymore, and my man boobs are gone. (Okay, I never had man boobs, but a fellow can fantasize, can’t he?)

My instructor has been doing it so long, she can actually swallow her own legs and balance on her thumbs. It’s disgusting but amazing.

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