Me and Angelina

By Jeremy Meltingtallow

bz panel 06-10-13Bizarro is brought to you today by The Wonders of Cosmetic Surgery.

This one is a result of collaboration with my good friend and TV writer, Andy Cowan. He got the idea watching a commercial for a company called “Lifestyle Lift” that advertises affordable, one-hour facelifts. Sure. Because how-your-face-is-going-to-look-for-the-rest-of-your-life  is where you want to save some money and time.

I don’t have any big moral judgements about unnecessary cosmetic surgery. What other people do with their faces doesn’t affect my life any more than whether or not gay couples get married, so what do I care? It sure seems to be a knife’s edge between success and failure, though––pun intended. It certainly worked for Angelina Jolie, who went from looking like a puffy, pink, old man to one of the most beautiful women in the world in most people’s opinion. But it most certainly did not work for Jack Nicholson, who now looks forty years older.

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As for me, I’m not thrilled with my looks but I’m not willing to spend thousands to roll the dice, put myself through pain and suffering, risk my health, and maybe get a better face in the end. Unless they could guarantee I would look exactly like Angelina Jolie.