Holly Would, Would I?

By Jeremy Meltingtallow

Bizarro is brought to you today by Simple Logic.

I’ve been thinking about things lately––by “lately,” I mean in the past few minutes––and I’ve decided to move to Los Angeles. The weather is much nicer than NY’s, the beach is nicer than Coney Island, I’ll save tons on bronzer because I’ll actually see the sun when I go outside, and it’s a much better place to be a movie star.

First, I’ll need to rent a place to live. Can anyone help me find a cool place, not too expensive, that allows smoking? (I know that’s hard in California. Californians like smokers about as much as New Yorkers like Californians.) I’m thinking of an artist’s loft or converted warehouse or garage space––something like that. More like this, nothing like this. Or this. I don’t know much about L.A. neighborhoods so I don’t really even know where to start. But it needs to be affordable, since I won’t have much money after hitchhiking across the country with all my worldly possessions on my back: computer, desk, chair, easel, art supplies, guitar, amp, humidor, case of scotch, bicycle, motorcycle, two pairs of clothes and a hat.

If you think you have some advice for me, email it to me at IWantToHelpYouMoveToTheWestCoastDan@IGottaGetTheHellOutOfNewYorkBeforeWinterHitsOrI’llGoNuts.com, or just leave it in the comments section of this blog or send me a Facebook message. (BTW: I have two official pages: this one [has reached FB’s friend limit] and this one [which I guess is a fan page.] Anything else you come across isn’t administered by me.)

I wonder if they have pigeons in L.A. I’m really fond of them and will miss my flock here in Brooklyn, some of which look just like the one in the cartoon at left. Brooklyn pigeons have been known to steal cars. If you know for sure that there are no pigeons in L.A., let me know and I’ll bring a few. But not the big, muscly kind.

My last cartoon today is about bigotry against homosexuals, which, if you’ve read many of my posts in the past, you will know that I find despicable. One of my favorite excuses for disapproving of homosexuality is that it is “not natural.” Neither is obesity or flying but you don’t find anyone trying to restrict the civil rights of a fat family on their way to Disney World.

This cartoon was written by my “known associate,” Wayno, who has the same low opinion of narrow-minded nitwits as do I. Here’s his post about it.

Seriously, I could use the money so click here and buy a TON of Bizarro products, a tiny portion of the proceeds of which I will receive in a check at the end of the month and wonder why I even bothered. Oh what’s the use? Just forget it.