Ears, Apes, Magic, Poker

By Jeremy Meltingtallow

Bizarro is brought to you today by When Do They Drive?

Anyone with a roommate – be they married, shacking up, related, or just sharing the rent – will want a pair of removable ears. They are still in the developmental stage, but I hope to have them on the market by late next year. The perfect gift for anyone of any age. We all have someone who’s voice grates like a chainsaw through sheet metal.

I got this idea in part from my personal assistant, who is deaf. If he wants to hear what you’re saying, he flips on his hearing aid and looks at your mouth. If he doesn’t, he turns it off and looks away. He always looks so peaceful. In many ways, I envy him. Especially in a noisy city like New York.

Last night, CHNW and I saw that new monkey* movie, “Rise of The Planet of the Apes.” I’ve gotta say that I really liked it. The satisfaction of watching such an abused and terrorized species exact revenge on their oppressors is irresistible. Even if you draw strong lines between species and believe that humans are morally entitled to get away with whatever we can, the drama of the story is still compelling. And, with the exception of the beauty of the main researcher and his girlfriend, the story is remarkably believable. If you’re sensitive to animal cruelty, you may want to skip it. CHNW cried all the way through the first two thirds, which is mostly about the kind of real-world cruelty that all kinds of animals experience in medical labs (apes, monkeys, cats, dogs, rats, pigs, you name it). But ultimately, she found the ending worth it.

It’s one of those movies that I figured could be either terrific or terrifically bad. I would have been happy with either, of course; nobody enjoys a horrifically bad film any more than I do (Ed Wood’s “Glen or Glenda” is one of my favorites ever!) but this film is actually very well done from script to execution. There’s my 2-cent movie review for you. Now enjoy the cartoon above in which the rabbit gets revenge on the magician. Ahahahahaha!

Here now is another collaboration between myself and my known associate, Wayno. As you’ll see if you read his blog post about this one, his original gag was about a guy playing chess with death. I liked it, but thought the chess motif was a little over-used, so I went for poker. I think it punched up the joke nicely. The only thing missing is the trademark scythe, but I assume most of you were able to identify this character as the Grim Reaper and not just some local goober dressed in a Snuggie and Halloween mask.

You want to be the coolest person you know, right? So display Bizarro cartoons on nifty products already.

*Yes, I know that monkeys are not apes, and vice versa. Humans, for instance, are not monkeys, we are apes.