Complete History of Time

By Jeremy Meltingtallow

(Be the coolest kid on your block and click the image above for a bigger view.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Water Retention.

In ancient times, people used to carry big, stone sundials around so they could tell the time. (Except for Mayans, who not only instinctively knew what time it was but also knew exactly when the world would end in the far, far distant future!) Ancient Times gave way to the Olden Days and the clock was invented. Now people could throw out their ugly stone slabs and carry  attractive grandfather clocks instead. Finally, along came the pocket watch and only a few hundred years later, someone thought to hook a strap to it for the wrist. We rejoiced in the streets and thought the future had finally arrived and we were smack-dab in the middle of it!

Even I joined the insanity by wearing a wristwatch, and could check the time at a glance with a split-second flick of my wrist. What next? A phone that fit in your pocket and didn’t need a cord? Yes. And by golly, there was the time right on the screen each time I turned it on. It seemed silly to carry two clocks, so I stopped wearing a watch. But now I have to dig for my phone and turn it on when I want to know what time it is. I might as well be a nineteenth-century train conductor with a big, gold pocket watch engraved with a picture of a choo choo.

Well, the Mobile Bangle fixes all of that! Order yours today by calling: 1-800-I’veGotMonkeyDungForBrains.

Since some of you asked for more sketchbook images like I posted before, here is another sketchbook image like I posted before. If there are any professional (or amateur) psychoanalysts reading this, I’d love to know your take on what this drawing means about my psyche.

Virtually any Bizarro cartoon from the past many years can be found on many products here. But not the sketchbook images.