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Mallard Fillmore - May 10, 2001

By Bruce Tinsley

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Thu, May 10, 2001

Mallard Fillmore

Gesture OCR: BUT HE CRIICS HAVE A POINT. .By A FEN RICHFOWERFUL COMPANIES WIHH A Lot MORE ACCESS to CANDIDATES HAN YOU HAVEAND HEIR ONN AGENDAS to ADVANCEn. NBCCBS.ABC.. CN. THE NEW YORK TIMES. THE WASHINGTON POST.. I HATE to SAY it. ELECTIONS ARE BEING INFUENCED MORE THAN EVER. 2001 by King Fsatures Syndicaenc. Wold Righis Reserved BUT HE CRIICS HAVE A POINT. .By A FEN RICHFOWERFUL COMPANIES WIHH A Lot MORE ACCESS to CANDIDATES HAN YOU HAVEAND HEIR ONN AGENDAS to ADVANCEn. NBCCBS.ABC.. CN. THE NEW YORK TIMES. THE WASHINGTON POST.. I HATE to SAY it. ELECTIONS ARE BEING INFUENCED MORE THAN EVER. 2001 by King Fsatures Syndicaenc. Wold Righis Reserved
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Wed, May 9, 2001

Mallard Fillmore

Drawing OCR: I'M THINKING A CERTAIN TIRED ADVERTISING CATCH- PHRASE. Stanley the Urologist Metz: With HAS JUST ABOUT HIT CRITICAL MASS. I'M THINKING A CERTAIN TIRED ADVERTISING CATCH- PHRASE. Stanley the Urologist Metz: With HAS JUST ABOUT HIT CRITICAL MASS.
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Tue, May 8, 2001

Mallard Fillmore

Bird OCR: THis Is BOBHE PROUD POSTAL-SERVICE EAGLESAYING I'M SicK AND TIRED OF PEOpLE. COMZANING ABOUT THE MAIL. mOUR FIRST-CASS MAIL SERVICE IS A GREAT DEAL. CENTS DELIVERS YOUR LETTER to ANY LACE IN HE U.S! AND HECK. SOMETIMES WE EVEN LET YOU Pick HE PIACE! 92001 by King Features Synclicarenc. Wotd Fights Reserven. THis Is BOBHE PROUD POSTAL-SERVICE EAGLESAYING I'M SicK AND TIRED OF PEOpLE. COMZANING ABOUT THE MAIL. mOUR FIRST-CASS MAIL SERVICE IS A GREAT DEAL. CENTS DELIVERS YOUR LETTER to ANY LACE IN HE U.S! AND HECK. SOMETIMES WE EVEN LET YOU Pick HE PIACE! 92001 by King Features Synclicarenc. Wotd Fights Reserven.
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Mon, May 7, 2001

Mallard Fillmore

Fictional character OCR: Dear Chinese Presipent Jiangsfor criticizing Your SincerelyMallaro Fillmore I REGRET that your goveriment is often MIstaken for one that represents your people. Im ALSO SORRY that you TORTUTE anD Kiu Peoplem govermmentanD/or worshipping GOD. AMD I'm DEEY SORRY that your repulsive LITtlé regime stiu gets a pass froM so many American wberalsTHERE. I FEEL BEITER NOW THAT IVE ApolosizED. Dear Chinese Presipent Jiangsfor criticizing Your SincerelyMallaro Fillmore I REGRET that your goveriment is often MIstaken for one that represents your people. Im ALSO SORRY that you TORTUTE anD Kiu Peoplem govermmentanD/or worshipping GOD. AMD I'm DEEY SORRY that your repulsive LITtlé regime stiu gets a pass froM so many American wberalsTHERE. I FEEL BEITER NOW THAT IVE ApolosizED.
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Sun, May 6, 2001

Mallard Fillmore

Azure OCR: MALLARD FILLMORE BY BRUCE TINSLEY THANK YOU FOR ASKING M? to GEAK to His COlLEGE'S GRADUATING CLASS. BECAUSE OF YOUR SPEECH CODESIM NOt SURE JUST WHAT I'M AlLOWED to SAY.. IF I CONGRATULATE HE GRADUATESIT MIGHT OFFEND HOSE WHO FUNKEDA WELCOME to HE REAL WORLD" MIGHT *MARGINAUZE"HHOSE HEADED FOR GRAD SCHOOLto BE SAFE... ID UST LIKE to SAY TO yO Allm. HARESMENT! HAESMENT! COMMENDING HIGH ACHIEVEMENT MIGHT OFFEND THOSE WHO ABHOR COMPETON. WiCE HATS!" ©2001 by King Features SyndicateIn MALLARD FILLMORE BY BRUCE TINSLEY THANK YOU FOR ASKING M? to GEAK to His COlLEGE'S GRADUATING CLASS. BECAUSE OF YOUR SPEECH CODESIM NOt SURE JUST WHAT I'M AlLOWED to SAY.. IF I CONGRATULATE HE GRADUATESIT MIGHT OFFEND HOSE WHO FUNKEDA WELCOME to HE REAL WORLD" MIGHT *MARGINAUZE"HHOSE HEADED FOR GRAD SCHOOLto BE SAFE... ID UST LIKE to SAY TO yO Allm. HARESMENT! HAESMENT! COMMENDING HIGH ACHIEVEMENT MIGHT OFFEND THOSE WHO ABHOR COMPETON. WiCE HATS!" ©2001 by King Features Syndicate
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Sat, May 5, 2001

Mallard Fillmore

Illustration OCR: INVESTIGATIONS CONTINUE IN THE PROBE . .THAT HAS UNCOVERED MORE THAN #400 MIliON LOST TO FRAUD AND MISMANAGEMENT AT tHE DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION DURING HE CLINTON ADMINISTRATION. FOR THOSE OF yOU WHO WORK AT THE DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATIONHATS A 4 WitH EIGHT ZEROS BEHIND IT. TAbley 5-5 INVESTIGATIONS CONTINUE IN THE PROBE . .THAT HAS UNCOVERED MORE THAN #400 MIliON LOST TO FRAUD AND MISMANAGEMENT AT tHE DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION DURING HE CLINTON ADMINISTRATION. FOR THOSE OF yOU WHO WORK AT THE DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATIONHATS A 4 WitH EIGHT ZEROS BEHIND IT. TAbley 5-5
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Fri, May 4, 2001

Mallard Fillmore

Illustration OCR: ClONING AND GENE- MAPPING RAISE A Lot OF SERIOUS NMORAL QUESTONS.. IMAGINE IF THEY COULD ELMINATE GENETIC IUNESSESs. But COULD DO A Lot OF GOOD FOR HUMANITY. ..OR CREATE A BARBRA STReiSAND WHO COULD SING BUT NOT TAK! 2001 by King Foatures Syndicaene. Word Righal TINELEY 54 ClONING AND GENE- MAPPING RAISE A Lot OF SERIOUS NMORAL QUESTONS.. IMAGINE IF THEY COULD ELMINATE GENETIC IUNESSESs. But COULD DO A Lot OF GOOD FOR HUMANITY. ..OR CREATE A BARBRA STReiSAND WHO COULD SING BUT NOT TAK! 2001 by King Foatures Syndicaene. Word Righal TINELEY 54
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Thu, May 3, 2001

Mallard Fillmore

Human OCR: OKAYOKAY. SO I ANCHOR THE CBS EVENING NEWS. AND. I SPOKE AT A DEMOCRATIC PARTY FUND-RAISER! ITS Not uke I DID SOMETHNG HORRIBLE OR EVIL OR DEMONIC. LikE SPEAK AT A REPUBLICAN FUND- RAISER. TINSLEY S3 OKAYOKAY. SO I ANCHOR THE CBS EVENING NEWS. AND. I SPOKE AT A DEMOCRATIC PARTY FUND-RAISER! ITS Not uke I DID SOMETHNG HORRIBLE OR EVIL OR DEMONIC. LikE SPEAK AT A REPUBLICAN FUND- RAISER. TINSLEY S3
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Wed, May 2, 2001

Mallard Fillmore

Clip art OCR: A Lot OF AMERICANS WERE SURPRIiSED to LEARN HHAT OBJECTIVE JOURNALIST DAN RATHER SspOKE RECENTLY ATA DEMOCRATIC PARTY FUND-PASER. „PRIMARILY BECAUSE A LOT OF AMERICANS HAVE NEVER WATCHED THE CBS EVENING NEWS. TINELEY 5-2 A Lot OF AMERICANS WERE SURPRIiSED to LEARN HHAT OBJECTIVE JOURNALIST DAN RATHER SspOKE RECENTLY ATA DEMOCRATIC PARTY FUND-PASER. „PRIMARILY BECAUSE A LOT OF AMERICANS HAVE NEVER WATCHED THE CBS EVENING NEWS. TINELEY 5-2
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Tue, May 1, 2001

Mallard Fillmore

Rectangle OCR: IN RESPONSE TO YOUR LETTERS ABOUT My DECISION NOT to REPORT A CBS NEWS POLL SHOWING THAT 67% OF AMERICANS SUPPORTED BUSH'S TAX FLAN... IVE DECIDED TO CONDUCT A NEW CBS POL: DANWHAT DO you THINK OF BUSH's TAX PLAN?" THERE! ACCORDING to OUR NEW POLL100% OF RESPONDENTS "HATE THE BUSH TAX PLAN!" UP NEXTEyE ON AMERICA: WHICH NETUORK ANCHOR HAS THE MOST HAIR? I HATE IT DAN: 82001 by King Features SyndicateTINELEY IN RESPONSE TO YOUR LETTERS ABOUT My DECISION NOT to REPORT A CBS NEWS POLL SHOWING THAT 67% OF AMERICANS SUPPORTED BUSH'S TAX FLAN... IVE DECIDED TO CONDUCT A NEW CBS POL: DANWHAT DO you THINK OF BUSH's TAX PLAN?" THERE! ACCORDING to OUR NEW POLL100% OF RESPONDENTS "HATE THE BUSH TAX PLAN!" UP NEXTEyE ON AMERICA: WHICH NETUORK ANCHOR HAS THE MOST HAIR? I HATE IT DAN: 82001 by King Features SyndicateInc. 'Workd Rights Reserved
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