Tax Time

By Jeremy Meltingtallow

There are four more days until income tax returns are due. This weekend, millions of Americans are frantically filling in their forms. Here are a few tax-related quotes that might provide a little comic relief.

“The hardest thing to understand in the world is the income tax.” – Albert Einstein

“The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.” – Will Rogers

“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.” – Mark Twain

“An income tax form is like a laundry list – either way you lose your shirt.” – Fred Allen

“Why is it that if you take advantage of a corporate tax break you’re a smart businessman, but if you take advantage of something so you don’t go hungry, you’re a moocher?” – Jon Stewart

“On my income tax 1040 it says ‘Check this box if you are blind.’ I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.” – Tom Lehrer

“The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hot lines staffed by IRS employees, whose idea of a dynamite tax tip is that you should print neatly. If you ask them a real tax question, such as how you can cheat, they’re useless.” – Dave Barry

“The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it’s just sort of a tired feeling.” – Paula Poundstone

Here’s a Sunday page from 1997 in which Hi and Lois reminisce while cramming on their taxes.

Hi and Lois Sunday page, April 13, 1997. Hi and Lois Sunday page, April 13, 1997.

We hope all of our readers get their taxes done on time.

– Brian Walker