August 3rd, 2014

Holiday Hangover

by Wayno & Piraro

Bizarro is brought to you today by Attack of the 50 Foot Boy.

The adorable Olive Oyl and I were on vacation last week and though we have been back since Monday, I’ve had no time to post here because this past week has been a hectic whirlwind of chaos, mayhem, and shenanigans of all kinds as I try to get caught up. As anyone who’s ever had a vacation knows, getting back into the rhythm of “real life” after you’ve spent seven days drinking margaritas from noon till midnight is like trying to put a giraffe in a car without a sunroof. Yes, that is a clumsy analogy but I’ve been drinking tequila all day, every day for a week and my brain is soft. For anyone who cares, we had an amazing time and here’s proof.

So here is this past week’s cartoons. I vaguely remember having seen them before and my signature appears on all of them so I guess they’re mine.

1. I’m all for adopting highways but then there’s always the chance they’ll up and run off someday, trying to find their real parents.

2. How do they know when I’m listening to NPR?

3. How amazing would it be if you died and actually found yourself in cartoon heaven, with wings and a large O-ring floating above your head? Sounds boring.

4. At open-casket funerals, people often say the corpse “looks natural.” I’ve been to a few and they look anything but natural. Unless you mean they look dead, which is a part of nature.

5. I actually wrote this restaurant cartoon after my first divorce, back in 1996, but since I’m going through it again it seemed like a good time to revisit the topic. After all the artillery fire is over and peace has returned to your village, it’s good to be able to laugh at how angry someone we once loved and trusted can make us. The silver lining is that after each divorce, my life improved immeasurably. I can’t wait to do it again! (Last line to be read with dripping sarcasm.)

6. A friend of mine, Bob the museum guard, pointed out to me that I’ve done a lot of “bad dog” cartoons lately. It isn’t because my own sweet Jemima has been a bad dog lately, she hasn’t, but when I first adopted her she was still young and added to the chaos of my life with alarming regularity. She’s calming down a lot lately––I think it’s because I introduced her to meditation. That’s her, more or less, on the far right. She’s taken to wearing glasses and a hat these days, but I depicted her naked in this cartoon.