Shark Eggs Topless

By Jeremy Meltingtallow

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Breakthrough in Hair Replacement Technology.


Yes, that’s a shark vacuuming the carpet in the middle of the night because sharks are the species that everyone thinks of as having to keep moving to stay alive. Something about forcing water through their gills or dodging bill collectors, I can’t remember which.










Do you believe in souls? I’ve spent a lot of time in my day thinking about this question. I agree that there is something about the essence of a person that is best described as a “soul,” though I can’t say I believe it is something that lives on after our body’s death. I don’t believe that chicken abortions (eggs) have souls but I suspect chickens do. My girlfriend, Olive Oyl, and I want to raise chickens one day. I’ll let you know if I find out any more about this topic from that experience.







REZARRO: bz991127MidlifeCrisisWEBWhen I drew this in 1999, I wasn’t yet in “midlife,” but I’d witnessed a few men self-destruct in midlife so it was on my mind. Now that I am in my fifties (and much to my pleasant surprise) I find that the older I get, the less attractive I find things like sports cars,  a full head of hair, and topless women (other than my own partner). But then, I’ve not lived an austere life while working a job that doesn’t feed my soul so I could provide for a wife and kids. I did that early on and escaped from it by the time I was 40. (Wife left me, kids grew up and moved out, quit working in advertising.)  I suspect that kind of brutal self denial is part of why men often explode in their fifties and attempt to be young again. Or, maybe it’s just the natural result of feeling your mortality approaching and wanting a last adventure or two before it’s too late. I’m just shooting from the hip here and I don’t know any more about it than you do, so don’t go quoting me. I still think this gag is funny, though. Especially the “Pro-Pelt Hair Replacement” clinic in the background.