November 27th, 2013
by Wayno & Piraro
Bizarro is brought to you today by Luchador.
Welcome to Twofer Tuesday. The “two” in twofer stands for two cartoons, as you have most certainly figured out if your brain function is anywhere close to normal.
The reason I often post two cartoons on Tuesday is because I was too busy on Monday to post. The reason I’m often too busy on Monday to post is that that is the day that I am supposed to send in a new week’s worth of cartoons to King Features but I’ve rarely got them done and don’t feel I can waste any time posting. The reason I’ve rarely got them done is because on weekends I am either too busy or too lazy to get much work done. (On a really good weekend, it is both.) The reason I say “lazy” is because I love few things more than lounging around on Sundays watching football with my goddam dog, Jemima, who sleeps on my lap. The reason she’s a “goddam” dog is because when I leave her home alone for too long (more than 90 seconds) she finds something of mine to drag out to the backyard and chew on. To date, she has destroyed two pairs of my shoes, a pair of motorcycle glasses, numerous socks (I assume they’ve been destroyed because they’ve been missing for a long time) a pair of pants, a glove, a stocking cap (Canadians: what you amusingly call a “tuke” or “toque”) a TV remote, over 850 pounds of trash and recycling (her favorite treat when I forget to put the recycling bin out of reach) a bunch of bananas, and the wooden gate separating my yard from the neighbor’s.
A reasonable person might ask, is she a large or mean goddam dog and do you hate her? No. She is small and very sweet and well behaved when I’m at home and I love her more than my own children. The same person or a similar one might ask, why don’t you put her in a goddam dog crate when you are gone? That was tried once and she destroyed the crate. This is a goddam dog who does not like to be alone.
So, being the problem solver that I am, I found a homeless dude to stay with her when I’m not here. Here comes another question from an imaginary person: You live with a homeless dude? That’s very charitable. No, he sleeps in a box in the driveway beside my house when I’m home. I’m not running a mission here, people.
As of yet, I have not found the homeless dude in the yard all chewed up so it seems to be working.
One last thing: I’m supposed to be posting pics of myself and my mustache all month for this Movember Movement thing. I usually forget but the month is nearly over and I may not think to do it again so here’s one last shot.
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