Impending Gore

Bizarro is brought to you today by This Bizarro Cartoon.

It’s almost Halloween here in the United States so here are a couple of cartoons to help get you in the mood. For my foreign readers, Halloween is a holiday during which Americans celebrate evil, violence, and superstition by wearing clothing and accessories that are intended to disgust, frighten, or amuse others. And, like all holidays, we add alcoholic beverages to heighten the experience. Often, we will dress our children in similarly grotesque or fanciful outfits and send them out after dark to beg for food at the homes of strangers.

At first, people were just like, “Why are all these bloody, deformed children knocking on my door tonight, asking for free stuff?” But then they were like, “Well, since we can’t stop them from coming, let’s just give them sugary food that will make them fat and rot their teeth. That will teach them.”  And a tradition was born.

 

 

 

I’m currently in Texas visiting my daughters, Krapuzar and Krelspeth, and their gentleman callers, Krent and Klarf, respectively. They are BIG Halloween celebrants and throw a rump-thumping costume party every year. This year’s shindig is tonight so the four of them are scurrying around taking care of the final details, of which there are plenty. They decorate the place as elaborately as one of those commercial haunted houses and it looks great. And all of this on a middle-class budget. It’s quite impressive. I’ll be getting my costume ready as soon as I’m done with this post. This year I’ll be Kim Kardashian’s child, which is the scariest thing I could think of.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BIZARROLD: This old thing is from 2001 and though it isn’t meant to be “halloweeny,” it does feature a graveyard, so that’s something at least.