Existential Warranty

By Jeremy Meltingtallow

bz panel 10-16-13bz strip 10-16-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Porky Pig.

I’ve always done funeral- and death-related gags, but I’ve noticed I’ve been doing more than usual lately. Maybe it is because I’ve entered into that latter portion of my life where I can imagine the end of my life with more clarity than that vague, “someday” feeling one has when they are younger. Time goes exponentially faster the older you get, so even if I live another 35 years (which would be a very long life so I’m not counting on it) it will seem like the blink of an eye.


I believe that this feeling is the genesis of “mid-life crises” for men. We begin to wonder if we’ve done enough in our lives, achieved what we dreamed we would, and that our time is running out, especially as regards being at our full potential. A man at my age feels much like I imagine a woman in her late thirties, early forties feels about child bearing; they know they only have so many good years left so they’d better get busy if “it” is going to get done. It is my opinion that this is the reason men buy sports cars, chase younger women, go skydiving, what have you. It is an attempt to enjoy their youth before it is completely and undeniably gone. It’s an uncomfortable feeling, to be honest, and one I’ve been struggling with lately.

But I’m also cherishing the things I have, the things I’ve achieved, and remind myself daily that honest happiness doesn’t come from youth. In fact, I like myself so much better now than I ever have before and that is a great blessing. Except for the obvious signs of age in my body, my mind works better than ever. I’ll get through it somehow, and hopefully without a sports car I can’t afford. It’s just another common phase of life.

VINTAGE JAZZ: I still love this cartoon from 2010. I’m not to the point where I dress like an old man yet and, given my taste, likely never will be, but the gag is actually from personal experience. I’ve said this to my companions more than a few times when I’ve seen a particularly cliche-looking old man. Of course, there’s nothing about old age that makes you lose your sense of style. Most elderly people who dress (what I would call) badly, have done so their entire lives. So fear not, snazzy Jazz Pickles. You’ll never lose your snazz. Bizarro 02-14-10 old folks