Eyes on the Prize

By Jeremy Meltingtallow

bz panel 05-13-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Tiny Dermatologist.

In detective dramas, a little cash often improves someone’s memory. Some brainy researchers at a famous medical institute decided to test if this same principle would apply to other sorts of human functions and got some interesting results. In a study performed on 627 people with a variety of conditions from poor eyesight to dry skin to arthritis to bullet wounds to the head, they found that virtually every patient who received money claimed to feel better and asked for an ongoing cash-injection treatment program. One patient, a germaphobe, refused to take the “filthy, disease-ridden” cash, but this result was not common and classified as an anomaly.

Unfortunately, the study was postponed indefinitely when the researchers ran out of money. If you would like to donate to this important research and help us get closer to a cure for all kinds of random things, please drop a few bucks into the tip jar in the right border of this cartoon. Thank you.