Thoughtful Companions

By Jeremy Meltingtallow

bz panel 05-06-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Super Powers.

I recently saw a short video of a so-called “pet pychic” visiting an animal sanctuary, and it inspired this cartoon. As Penn and Teller have been telling us for decades, there is no such thing as magic. The human mind is constructed in such a way that it can be made to believe almost anything with a little misdirection. Psychics of all kinds have played on this trait since human societies first formed, as have con men, magicians, evangelists, mediums, astrologers, wizards, etc.

You’re welcome to buy into these kinds of fantasies if you like––most of us enjoy believing in magic*––but I’ve found that the real universe is plenty fascinating enough and full of and endless supply of incomprehensible wonder to keep my brain inspired. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy magic acts; I do. I’m not keen, however, on people who charge others to tell them what their pets are thinking. It’s fraud and it’s not even clever. How could you possibly be proven wrong?

I, on the other hand, actually do have a supernatural skill, and that is reading the thoughts of your furniture. If you’re interested in your furniture’s opinion about your lounging habits, or where it would rather be in a room, I can tell you all you need to know from a simple photo of your home. It’s pricey, but your furniture deserves your attention. For an appointment, call 1-800-IWillBelieveJustAboutAnything.

*Zodiac, miracles, psychic abilities, visions, premonitions, religion, prophetic dreams, fate, etc.