Keep Your Pants On

By Jeremy Meltingtallow

bz panel 04-29-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Airport Security.

I never miss a chance to poke fun at the TSA (Thousands Standing Around) because I am a firm believer that they are the most obvious sign of the terrorists “winning.” We spend billions of dollars a year to enact this absurd charade of security, but tests that the TSA runs on its own system have reportedly routinely shown that it is still fairly easy to smuggle knives and guns on board an airplane.  One story I’ve heard is that an undercover agent for the TSA managed to smuggle a huge bag of deadly snakes on board by dying them orange and claiming they were super-sized Cheetohs. I mean, come on!  Whatever the case, I’m convinced that the shoes and liquids thing are complete nonsense that could be done away with easily without consequence. Most of the process we go through is a political charade to make us feel more secure, when the truth is that (statistically) we never were in that much danger in the first place.

In my pretend-expert opinion, it’s time for some of this airport “theater of security” to go the way of the color-coded threat level chart.

DISCLAIMER: This isn’t a news site, so I don’t bother to look up stories like this for verification. You should have a look it up on Snopes.com if you want to know if any or all of this is true.

P.S. I forgot to mention in my original posting that this cartoon is a collaboration between myself and my manager, The Great and Powerful Jeff Topper. Jeff has been a comedy writer, producer, manager, and all around Hollywood thingamajig guy since California still belonged to Mexico––and a terrific friend!