Arboreal Papist

By Jeremy Meltingtallow

Bizarro is brought to you today by Contradictions.

People often wonder why atheists are sometimes hostile toward religion. As an atheist, I sympathize with this viewpoint; I mean, what difference does it make to me what a person believes in their heart and mind? But the recent hubbub over the pope election is a perfect example of why it is sometimes of concern to people like me.

Millions of people all over the world are so dedicated to the belief that this one man, elected by other men, is divinely ordained by GOD that they will do anything he says, no matter how foolish or dangerous. The most conspicuous of these dangerous edicts is the condemnation of birth control and condoms. If but one man in a very fancy dress said it was okay to use birth control, millions of babies each year would not be born into poverty and subsequently die of malnutrition and disease. If he encouraged the use of condoms, untold numbers of people would be protected from AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, thus avoiding the suffering and death of millions more. These facts are undeniable and serve to illustrate in gory detail how dangerous the human inclination toward superstition can be.

Which prompts this question: if he is willing to let millions of followers take their chances with nature and “faith,” without protection, why does he ride around in a bullet-proof box? It isn’t difficult to see the Popemobile as a four-wheel condom.

If you’re an average, American Catholic (I’m not familiar enough with other modern first-world Catholics to know where they sit on this scale) you’re likely using birth control and condoms already, in spite of what the Pope says. I have no qualms with you or your beliefs. It is the Pope’s wanton disregard for human safety in the name of ancient superstitions that raises my ire. To my mind, this is enough to convict the Pope of dangerously irresponsible behavior. I could go on about his condemnation of homosexuals as deviants and the systematic protection of child abusers, but I’ll save that for another day.

That said, I hope you enjoyed this silly, non-editorial cartoon about the papacy.