By Jeremy Meltingtallow

Bizarro is brought to you today by Future Criminals of America.

This cartoon is, of course, a parody of the classic “good cop, bad cop” routine. If you’re not an aficionado of crime dramas or have never been arrested for a major crime and interrogated, it goes something like this: A tough cop begins the interrogation and roughs the suspect up a bit, screaming and yelling and pretending he’s going to go postal, then a nicer cop steps in, stops him, and says something like, “Look, I can’t control this guy forever, you’d better give me a little info to settle him down or I can’t guarantee your safety. Here’s a cigarette and a Coke.” The bad guy frightens the crook, the nice guy gets him to talk.

In the scenario above, there is no bad cop. Unless you’re a rabid anti-smoker, in which case you could construe the cop on the left to be threatening to kill him with lung cancer (over a long period of time) while the other gets him tipsy. Or, you could just look at the cartoon, see if it makes you smile, and forget all the heavy analysis. That’s probably the wiser course.