February 4th, 2013

Abs of Mythological Proportions

by Wayno & Piraro

Bizarro is brought to you today by Bizarro Big Foot.

The “Abominable Snowman” is a creature from the same family as Bigfoot, Sasquatch, and the Yeti. For thousands of years, people all over the world have claimed they have seen these giant, ape/human-like creatures in forests and mountains across the globe.

Science knows little about this ancient species but what we do know is this: They are faster and more cunning than any other species on earth because no matter how many people see them in however many countries, they always manage to escape before anyone can kill or even photograph one properly. The fact that a corpse or skeleton of one has never been found either, tells us they are either immortal or have their own funeral and burial system that hides their bodies more effectively than the impotent minds of humans can discover.

Bigfoot scientists, or Podiatricgrandeologists as they are known, are eager to find out more. A new show will be on Spike TV this fall called “Ten Million Dollar Bigfoot Bounty.” They’re actually offering 10 million bucks for “real evidence” of the existence of Bigfoot, so many of these questions should be answered soon. I can’t wait!

If you have a personal experience or story about Bigfoot to share, I’d love to hear it in the comments section!

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