Blurry Superstition Death Paternity Donut Cell Hives

By Jeremy Meltingtallow

Bizarro is brought to you today by Sheer Luck.

Have you ever felt that the world is suddenly wider and that the rules have changed so that everything you were used to before is now somehow inapplicable and you are starting from scratch? I have had that feeling this week because my blog got incorporated into King Features’ Mighty Network of Cartoonist Blogs and Other Things Designed to Help Cartoonists Make a Living Which is Harder Than You Might Assume. (I don’t think that is the literal name of their new network, but you get the idea.) In other words, the format of my blog changed a little and now the way I post is different and it slows me down. It’s not your problem, of course, I just wanted to vent because you are my only friend. (Yes, you.)

Here are some cartoons from the past week:

My new year’s resolution is 72ppi. Just like last year. What’s yours?













Is anyone afraid that the year 2013 will bring them bad luck? We humans have such a persistent superstitious streak that I’m certain there are. If you find yourself in this unfortunate position, let me set your mind at ease: Bad things will almost certainly happen to you this year, but none of them will have anything to do with the arbitrary numbering system of our calendar. It’s just life as usual in a random, chaotic universe.





Next cartoon: You know those guys with long hair, beard, and robes who carry signs through the streets that say “The End is Near”? Neither do I, but I’ve often seen them in cartoons for some reason so here’s another one. For him, it was true because he dropped dead. Of course, I’m only assuming his sign was going to say that. He died before he finished it; perhaps it was going to say “The End is Neat.”





This next one is a clever cartoon that cross breeds two famous advertising icons: Flabbo the tire guy and Pustule, the baking product boy. This gem came from the mind of my known associate Wayno, who said this about that. In his post he wonders why I changed the name of the magazine from his original “Tread” to my “Tired.” I just thought the double entendre was funny and I always like to add a little something different to a cartoon by a colleague, especially when their original version is so well conceived, as was the case here.




The donut cartoon plays out like this: Old movies often had somebody like Jimmy Cagney saying something like this to a cop, with the word “killed” substituted with for the word “ate,” and peace officers are said to enjoy a lot of donuts while on duty. Combine the two and WHAMMO!, you’ve got comedy.

(Note: These are professionally trained cartoon characters. Do not attempt to eat a pastry possessing arms and legs.)





I must confess that this cartoon about stem cells is my favorite of the week. Not because it is the funniest but because I like the strangeness of it. As you scientists know, stem cells can grow into anything in any animal. You can take a stem cell from the eyeball of an earthworm and put it into a human embryo in the foot department and it will become a foot. To use a term common in the vernacular of geneticists, it’s creepy cool. This dandy idea came from my colleague, Dan McConnell. He is smart and funny.

My last entry today is this big Sunday comic. There are suddenly so many food allergies in America that this cartoon seemed very timely. When I was a kid, nobody knew they could be allergic to peanuts or wheat or whatever, so we just ate what was put in front of us. Now it seems everyone has a food allergy or twelve. I don’t think I have any except that I don’t care for food that does not taste good. Thank goodness they don’t serve tiny packets of cooked spinach on airplanes, or I’d be in real trouble.

I hope you enjoyed today’s offerings and that your year is both new and happy. Stay crunchy, Jazz Pickles.