Hit Gravity Poison Purr Lust Poop

Bizarro is brought to you today  by My Magazine Cover Shot.

Again, I’ve only managed to post once this week. Things are getting away from me here at Bizarro International Headquarters.

Let’s review the week: Our first cartoon is a great pickup line for the next time you see someone attractive on an elevator. Please use it with my blessing and let me know how it turns out.

Cartoon number two is a surreal interpretation of a common restaurant question. I encourage any of you who are waitpersons (is that the correct, non-offensive term these days?) to use this response next time you are asked this question. Again, please report back on how it went over.

 

 

 

 

Cartoon number three got a few thumbs up from my vegan friends, of course. Not that this cartoon has a strictly vegan message; I actually stopped eating fast food many years before I stopped eating all animal products. It’s pretty much an accepted scientific fact that fast food is slow suicide. Still, eat it if you want. Nobody lives forever. Gotta die of something. Might as well be of a heart attack or stroke in your fat scooter. (Not that all people in those scooters are there because they are too obese to walk, of course, so chill.)

This cat cartoon is from the great and powerful Wayno of Pittsburgh, known in some circles as my “known associate.” He’s a dandy guy and I can only assume that his longtime obsession with  1-900 phone sex services led to this cartoon. I don’t know this for sure, but you can ask him for yourself by visiting his blog where he discusses this very cartoon.

Our next cartoon, in the fifth position, is maybe my favorite for the week. The original suggestion was from my good buddy and King of Wordplay, Cliff. This one had more than simple wordplay, however, adding an aspect of commentary on human nature. Well done.

You more observant readers will notice my happy birthday message to my dad against the top border. I’m happy to report that he did, in fact, have a happy birthday. It was also the birthday of my special ladyfriend, Kim, (shown here with me on my birthday) who had a dandy birthday also, as well as one of my favorite American figures, Mark Twain. He did not have a happy birthday but neither did he have a bad one. He is dead, which beats the hell out of the alternative: turning 177 years old yesterday, exactly 100 years older than my dad. That can’t be fun.

Finally we come to the final cartoon. This one is a bit subtle in that if you don’t notice the plastic glove on the man’s hand, you see no joke at all. Those of you in cities, states, or countries that do not require citizens to clean up after their pets may not understand this reference, but in more civilized areas of the U.S., people wear plastic gloves and carry little plastic bags to clean up after their pet when walking them in public spaces. As a person who sometimes visits public spaces and is not fond of animal feces on my shoes, I think it’s a nice law.

That’s it for now. I’ll post this weekend’s Sunday cartoon in a few hours.