Weight Axe Curd Crook Band Strangle Furniture Amputee
Wow! This weekend’s post is a Jazztown Hootenanny Festival of Amusingness! SO many cartoons to catch up on!
(To imagine what this would look like larger, click the tiny wizard’s left ear. [His left, not your left.])
Bizarro is brought to you today by Sports Gardening.
I’m really happy with this Wizard of Oz collaboration with my good buddy, the King of Wordplay, Cliff Harris. Very elaborate art, very subtle gag. My favorite part of the art in this one is the glossy floor; I always enjoy coming up with special effects. By the way, if for some reason you don’t get this joke, the punch line lies in the abbreviations for “ounces” and “pounds.” By the way Part 2: the reason that the word “pounds” is abbreviated with letters that do not appear in the actual word is because they stand for “libra,” the scale. The reason “ounces” is abbreviated the way it is, is because the unit of measure we call an ounce was first used on the set of The Wizard of Oz, because they needed a way to measure the weight of the munchkins. I love trivia like that.
2.This next cartoon was a collaboration with my showbiz manager, Jeff Topper. He’s a wacky dude by all accounts and rumor has it he thought of this gag while chasing cyclists through a local park. My favorite part of this art is the symbol for the chainsaw-wielding maniac painted on the path. This would be a fun thing to do in real life as a prank. If anybody does this, send me a picture and do NOT blame me if you get arrested.
(Yes, I know the image on the ground has a chainsaw while the maniac is carrying an axe. Psychopaths don’t follow rules particularly well.)
3. I’d just like to say for the record that I have always despised cottage cheese. It is disgusting in all ways that an object can be: visually, texturally, and tastefully. Meaning the taste is disgusting. I can’t think for the life of me why it exists.
4. Lots of cartoons have been done about the voice on GPSs, but I thought the occupation-specific nature of this one was worth visiting. The interior of this car was drawn from my memory of the dashboards of the latest Toyota Prius. They look like cockpit of a Space Shuttle and I find them intimidating. Is it possible for a car to do too much? I think it might be. 
5. This was a big week for collaborations, apparently, and this one is with my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh. I like this gag and am happy with the look of the Internet hipsters as they access a band that has been around for ages: all week. Read Wayno’s interpretation of this collaboration here. I put a “Frightened Bunny” poster on the wall as a Bizarroesque tribute to one of my latest favorite bands, “Frightened Rabbit.” If you don’t know them, check out my two favorite albums, “Winter of Mixed Drinks” and “Midnight Organ Fight.” If you want 
to sample one song first, try either “Swim Until You Can’t See Land,” or “Modern Leper.”
6. It is important when choosing equipment for your pet to get a size-appropriate product. I knew some people once who bought (NEVER buy! ALWAYS adopt!) a Jack Russell Terrier puppy and immediately went out to get him one of those doggy crates to sleep in at night and when they were away from home. They bought the largest size available, which is intended for Great Danes and the like. Dogs like small spaces to 
use as their “den.” They’re not interested in impressing the neighbors with the size of their house.
7. Back to Cliff, the King of Wordplay. This is one of my favorite bits of wordplay ever, I must say. My primary contribution to this gag was the horrified look on the wife’s face, giving the double entendre an extra punch.
8. Good lord, we’ve finally reached the end of today’s Komedy Kavalcade. In keeping with collaboration week, this one came from my good buddy, Andy Cowan, former writer for Seinfeld, Cheers, 3rd Rock From the Sun, and some other TV stuff. I’ve known a few “tripod” dogs and cats over the years so this gag has a bit of personal meaning for me. I love the idea that even with one less leg, they still have a 50% advantage over us in the leg department.
Don’t just sit there crying into your vodka, Jazz Pickles! Buy one of my books!