September 28th, 2012

Pet Parking Eunuch Humping Loaf

by Wayno & Piraro

Bizarro is brought to you today by Parenting.

I took some time off to travel but am happy to be back in my captain’s chair here at Bizarro International Headquarters.

Accordingly, here are a passel of cartoons to catch you up to date. First up is a cartoon that proved popular among readers. Personally, I never use my first pet’s name as a security question because, although I loved the dog, I never liked her name: “Penny.” I don’t have anything against the name per se, but my older sister picked it and so it seemed feminine to me. I was rooting for “Spike” or “Killer.” She looked not unlike the dog in this cartoon, except that her spots were brown. Like you care.

This gingerbread house witch cartoon could easily have been one of my Sunday Punnies, but I liked it so much I wanted to use it as a stand-alone image. I wonder if anyone actually sells that sign? I’ll bet someone does.

From the woods we jump to the restrooms at a coffee shop. I’ve done gags about these characters before, lots of people have. In this one, however, they’re falling in love. I’m happy for them but I’m guessing the sex isn’t so great.

Speaking of sex, what’s with the term “hump day”? It’s used to refer to Wednesday being the day you’re “over the hump” in terms of waiting for the weekend, but to me it always sounds a little vulgar. I’m happy to see that the boss is finally doing something about it.

By the way, camels are fun to draw and even more interesting than that is that paleontologists say they originated in North America. Some migrated south and evolved into llamas and alpacas, others went over the Bering Strait and became Bactrian camels and some went further into the Middle East and Northern Africa, became dromedary camels and went into the cigarette business. The ones in North American died out entirely. Of course, if you’re a creationist, none of that is true.

Terms like “athletic socks” and “dress shoes” are always funny to me. None of my socks are particularly athletic; they could no more catch a ball or run for a touchdown than Richard Simmons. And I never wear my dress shoes with a dress. “Loafers” isn’t a bad term considering shoes do little more than loaf but who wears loafers when they’re actually loafing? Seems like sneakers should be called loafers, since that’s what we wear when we want to be comfortable. I never “sneak,” so I don’t really have any use for sneakers.

It just occurred to me that that last paragraph could have been written by Andy Rooney, which is a little embarrassing. Sorry for that.

For more important insights about unimportant things, get one of my books.