Treaty Cop Lawyer Clown Profanity

By Jeremy Meltingtallow

(To view this cartoon more biggerer, click the scissors.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Jazz Pickle Tribute.

I know a guy somewhere in Texas named Brian Levy. He’s always suggesting scenarios from which a cartoon might be born. I like his suggestions because he doesn’t usually submit an punch line, but rather a concept that gets my brain bubbling. In this case, he suggested something like, “what if rock, paper, and scissors signed a peace treaty?” I love the result. (If you don’t understand this joke, you’ve never played “rock, paper, scissors.” If you’re in a country where people don’t play this, look it up on the Intertubes. If you’re in the U.S. and still don’t know this game, abandon your cave, return to civilization and ask the first person you see to explain it.)

This is one of my favorite gags from last week. It’s a simple play on the term “plain-clothes detective,” of course, but the picture makes it worth it to me. One reader wrote to tell me that no self-respecting cop uses a gun like that anymore. The bent handle implies that it is a “wheel gun,” or “six shooter.” Cops now use those other kinds of pistols with the bullets loaded into the handle, which is straight. I’m sure he’s right, but it’s been so long since I’ve been shot at by a cop, I didn’t think of it. Thanks for the correction, Robert.

As the father of two daughters, I can say from experience that children belong in cages whenever they are awake. If you don’t do this you have to hide your guns, knives, drugs, blow torches, explosives, pornography, large carnivorous exotic pets, and god-knows what else. Once again, lawyers mess it up for all of us and force us to baby-proof our homes. Fortunately, there is a simple, cheap way.



I remember all-too-well when I was a young teenager how my mother would stop me and make me take off my makeup before I left the house. My sisters and I weren’t allowed to wear makeup before we were 16 because my parents felt it made us look like prostitutes. If you are a young reader with a desire to wear lots of makeup, I hope your parents are clowns.

This last cartoon is a bit of a dud, I’m afraid. It’s a decent-enough idea and that’s why I did it, but it occurs to me that this is one of those gags that has likely been done in dozens of ways many times. I usually check the Interwebs to make sure I’m not inadvertently stealing but I’m not sure I did in this case. Oh well. Can’t win them all. A new cartoon every day of the week for 27 years is a long time to be brilliant and original every single time. However, if it has never been done before I take back everything I just said. :o)

I gots me some cartoon books for you.