French Wine Vote Flash Bowl

By Jeremy Meltingtallow

Bizarro is brought to you today by Hamsters Gone Wild.

Here in the United States of America, we celebrate our Independence from British tyranny each July 4th. We do this by staging mock, decorative war in the skies over our towns and cities. If these faux wars are this beautiful, imagine how breathtaking real war must be!

Speaking of independence, the U.S. would not have gained its when it did had it not been for help from France. Even so, many readers did not understand the cartoon above. It is simple wordplay, actually: One person like that is a “frant,” many of them are “frants,” which, said aloud, sounds like “France.” That’s all there is to it; if you still don’t get it, move on.

Here’s one that has to do with wine. If you’re not familiar with the grown-up grape juice not sold to minors, the deal is that when you first open a bottle, it has to “breathe” before you drink it. Well, it doesn’t have to, but it will taste better of you let the air get to it for a few minutes. It’s not really breathing––which is why this cartoon makes no sense at all. Why would you put an inanimate object on a respirator? It’s ridiculous. But my known associate, Wayno, got this idea and wanted me to draw it, threatening to tell the world what he knows about my great uncle Leo’s association with the Nazi Party. (He fought against them in WWII.) Still makes no sense to me, though. Maybe Wayno makes sense of it on his blog.

Judging by things I’ve seen around town, I suspect this is an election year. Accordingly, here is a cartoon that hints at the basic level of distrust we have for politicians here in the U.S.  Personally, I think politicians get a bad rap. I mean, here they are just trying to become rich and powerful and maybe accidentally help somebody along the way if it furthers their career, and we thank them by making fun. We should be ashamed.

This cartoon makes a pun of the term “flash.” A flash card is one that you “flash” at a child to see how quickly they can regurgitate the answer. But “flashing” can also mean exposing your private parts in public. By the way, this kind of multiplication flash card was popular when I was a kid. Nowadays, they just teach kids to use the calculator on their cell phone to come up with the answer. Some people are against kids using this kind of short cut but I say let them. Not awfully long ago all children were taught how to build a fire to cook dinner with but ovens, stoves, and microwaves put an end to that. Now if they’d just include a microwave function on a cell phone.

Are you a bowler? Are you in a league? How can you be sure you’re not in league with the devil? You can’t, and that’s just one of the innumerable exciting things about hanging out in bowling alleys.

Please buy my books.

Please buy some prints or T-shirts or blanket wraps with Bizarro cartoons on them.

Please display your patriotism responsibly.