Dr. Sheik Rabbit Highway Star Burqa

By Jeremy Meltingtallow

Bizarro is brought to you today by Super Mistakes.

It’s been a week since I’ve posted because I had to get ready to leave town for my show in Washington D.C. over the weekend, fly there, do the show, then come home. I’ve done all that now so I’m back at headquarters and blogging like a chimp with a new laptop.

The show in D.C. went very well, all things considered. Because many airlines exist to torture their passengers, my flight to D.C. was canceled on Saturday and I had to spend the rest of the day at LAX trying to chase down a new, last-minute flight. United Airlines was the company that broke their customer contract with me and were no help whatsoever in finding me a new flight. After making me stand in line for TWO HOURS (yes, I’m shouting that) to talk to an agent about rescheduling, they told me there were no flights left on any airline before the next afternoon, which wouldn’t get me to D.C until after my show. Arriving in a city after your show is bad for business, as you might have guessed. So, after being foolish enough to believe United Airlines’ LIE about no other seats on any airline being available, I accepted a refund on my original flight and left the counter. Shortly thereafter, I found numerous openings on other airlines and could only conclude that when they said “no flights until tomorrow,” they actually meant “no flights for a price that we are willing to pay.”

It is now my personal opinion that United Airlines sucks. Let’s all boycott them, shall we? I know I will.

So I found an expensive overnight flight on Virgin (a terrific airline in my opinion, in spite of its lack of sexual experience) and arrived in D.C. the next morning with red eyes framed with black circles. After only a couple of hours of sleep, I arrived at the comedy club that afternoon to battle through several hours of technical problems between my computer and their projection system. The tech guys at the Riot Act Comedy Theater were terrific, however, and creatively found ways to solve the problems well before show time.

The show itself was tons o’ fun for me. I got to try out a bunch of new material and the audience was smart and cool. In spite of the auspicious travel adventure, the show was a terrific experience. I had invited President Obama to come to the show but he couldn’t make it because of some kind of scheduling conflict. Newt Gingrich showed up, however, without being invited. He was abruptly ejected from the room, of course, when his disguise became dislodged and I recognized him. 

I’m working on some West Coast dates now and will announce them when they are set. These shows get better and better as you finesse them, so I hope to see jars and jars of you Jazz Pickles having a blast at my upcoming gigs.

One side note about a cartoon that ran last week––the “Trannysaurus” gag that appears below. I got a few emails from various people who find the word “tranny” to be derisive. I shouldn’t have to tell regular readers this but I’m not bigoted toward anyone for their sexual wiring. Furthermore, I have never thought of the word “tranny” as an epithet; if I had, I would most certainly not have used it. To my knowledge, the word itself was originally a shortening of the word “transvestite,” and used by those in the GLBT community long before anyone else much knew what it meant. “Transvestite” is not derogatory, so I fail to see how shortening it is. Yes, it is likely that bigots use the word derogatorily, but they do the same with the word “gay” and I find no reason to change that term as a result. Since certain people will always use any word in an invective manner to describe people they dislike, I believe it is up to the rest of us not to give in to that kind of childish behavior as a result. Additionally, I’ve long believed that using alternative lifestyle themes in my cartoons, which appear in hundreds of newspaper markets worldwide, is an effective way to normalize the people involved. Just because I have a gay, transsexual, transgender, or transvestite character in a cartoon does not mean I am criticizing them. In fact, I am always trying to do the opposite.

If you were offended, I’m truly sorry. I never aim to offend my Jazz Pickles. Otherwise, thanks for understanding. Let’s all agree to forge ahead together for a better world and not fly United Airlines unless we are willing to delay our travel plans indefinitely and be lied to in the process!

Happy week, BJPs!

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