Reaper Duck Stupid Rebel Hand Ball

By Jeremy Meltingtallow

Bizarro is brought to you today by Trojan!

The deadline gods conspired against me this week and I have had no time to post on this blog about my daily cartoons. I hope that next week will be less Sisyphussy. (NEW WORD ALERT!)  I think there are some good cartoons in this batch, but let’s let you be the judge.

The woman in the bar with a bow and arrow is an allegory for the way single men often feel about beautiful women. We are simultaneously drawn to and intimidated by them. One reason I never approach an attractive woman in public is because I am certain she will shoot me. Your results may vary.

This little ditty about a party full of grim reapers was an idea that came from my “known associate,” Wayno. The fun for me was in the drawing. I feel good about the body gestures of the various characters, which is something most cartoonists these days (since you no longer have to actually be able to draw to be a professional cartoonist) don’t pay much attention to. I think I managed to make the host look welcoming, the guest look mortified (PUN INTENDED!) and the guests in the background seem natural in a party environment. I also had fun with the paisley, of course. See Wayno’s clever chatter about it here.

The idea for this cartoon about Rebel Air was submitted by a loyal Bizarro Jazz Pickle, Brian Levy, who sends me several ideas each week. Like most JPs who do this, all of his suggestions are appreciated but most are not quite right for me. I liked this idea about a rebellious airline that flouts FAA rules, however. Just for fun, I attempted to draw a sort of caricature of Mr. Levy for this cartoon based on a photo he sent. I doubt it looks much like him but you might notice he is sitting next to me on the plane (another of my tributes to Alfred Hitchcock.) Don’t get any ideas, Brian –– I will NEVER travel anywhere with you.

If you were wondering when I was going to openly call someone stupid, wonder no more for I have done it in this cartoon. I got quite a few emails from teachers who particularly related to this one. One of the best reasons I know for educating yourself and behaving with some sense of decency is that there is a damned good chance your kids are going to be a lot like you. Want your kids to be honest? Don’t lie to them or to your significant other. Want your son to respect women? Don’t be a lecherous hound. Want your daughter to pick a good mate someday? Don’t be an ass to her mother. Want your kids to be smart? Don’t be an uneducated boob. It’s kind of simple, really. If you don’t have any children, ignore the previous advice and be a stupid, lying, cheating jackass if you like.

I’ve done a few cartoons about the hand inside of a puppet but I’m not tired of the motif yet, so here’s another. (And here is one of my favorites from last year.) My good friend with the best nom de plume yet, Richard Cabeza, suggested a cartoon wherein a muppet couple were getting a sonogram and a hand shows up inside of her. For various reasons of graphic clarity, I changed it to this approach. Now that I think of it, it would have been even funnier if the mom muppet was lying lifeless and limp on the table since her infrastructure had just been removed. Damn. Wish I’d thought of that before this second.

Here’s another fun idea from Wayno. For this one, I used the same drawing as a cartoon I did a while back. See here. A fun little bit of trivia for you Jazz Pickles who actually read my blogs and don’t just look at the pictures, is that on the backs of the jerseys I used the names of a few of my friends who are regular contributors to Bizarro. Just a little nod to my homies.

So who do you want to win the Super Bowl this weekend? I don’t care who wins as long as it isn’t New England. It’s not that I hate Boston, I don’t. I always root for the Red Sox over the Yankees, for instance. And I don’t hate patriots; I always root for the U.S. over Germany when I watch The History Channel. It’s just that the Patriots have won too much, Belichick seems like a complete ass, and Brady is married to a super model. That’s all the reasons I need. Hey, it’s sports, not brain surgery.

I’m dead broke. Please buy something from me: cartoons on products, cartoons in books.