Hot Man of the Month

By Jeremy Meltingtallow
Forget “People,” “Redbook,” and “Cosmo.” Today I present you with MY Hot Husband of the Month. Consider this an early Valentine’s Day love letter to my guy. In the 15.5 years we’ve been married, he’s been my cohort, support system, inspiration, web developer, and– most recently – book manager. I don’t think I could’ve asked for a better partner in every sense of the word.
He’s not perfect. He has a short fuse and often uses sarcasm as a means of discourse. He’s pig-headed and rivals me in Type A pickiness. He uses apostrophes where they don’t belong. He’s also practical to a fault. And the dude can’t do laundry without turning everything tie-dyed.
But these things – although, yeah, they bug me – are so trivial compared with his better qualities. And like most nit-picky wives, I don’t tell him nearly enough.
So here are just some of the reasons why I think my guy deserves to be HOT HUSBAND OF THE MONTH:
I’ll start with the basest of all reasons: he’s cute. Okay, he’s middle aged and follically-challenged (it practically makes his lower lip quiver when friends good-naturedly tease him), but he rocks the shaved dome. Anyway, throw a baseball cap on him, and suddenly he looks like he stepped out of a frat house. He’s been carded more times at the grocery store than I can count. And those shoulders…wooWEE!
He’s smart as a whip. I don’t exaggerate when I say he’s one of the most intelligent people I’ve ever known. Not just in his IT-geeky kind of way, but in so many other facets. It really bugs me that in many practical aspects of life, he’s usually right. I’ll never say so to his face, though.
He’s a domestic god (aside from laundry). The man can cook, clean, and is handy around the house. I’m never upset over his lack of laundry skills because the guy has saved us mucho dinero by installing speaker systems, lighting, as well as building our entire finished basement. Plus his homemade mac-n-cheese and pad thai would put The Food Network to shame.
He’s practical to a fault. Yeah, I know this was in my negative list. But did I mention the mucho dinero saved? And yeah, it pisses me off when he puts the kibosh on my urge to furnish the entire house at once. But I admit, it’s kept us out of the poor house. Now if he could only rein in my shoe habit.
He’s a hands-on dad. He didn’t bat an eye when – during the strip’s launch — my work schedule switched from part-time to 6-days-a-week. He just picked up the pieces (which included my tear-sodden tissues) and hauled the toddlers off to wherever they needed to go. Still does that to this day, without complaint. Anyway, I kind of gringe (cringe-grin) when friends or family tell me how they have to beg their husbands to help them. Sure, I do that, too, occasionally. But he’s no slouch, and admittedly he’s done more than his share of the parenting. It makes me feel both proud and guilty at once (but then, what doesn’t make me feel guilty?). In other words, he’s no amiable-but-clueless Rob Kaplan. There are similarities, but not when it comes to parental laziness.
And last but not least (and pertinent to this type of blog), he’s always been an advocate and number one supporter of Pajama Diaries. He’s literally put his more lucrative career on hold for this dream of mine. He’s turned down higher-paying travelling jobs in order to be there for myself and the kids. I owe him a great deal, yet he never lords it over me. In fact, he’s been bending over backwards helping me put together book signing gigs and presentations.
So this is my way of thanking the HOTTEST HUSBAND OF THE YEAR (see? He already got promoted). I love you, Mike! This Valentine’s Day, I’ll try to stay awake past nine.
C’mon, ladies, isn’t he a dreamboat?