Santa Custer Egg Dog Foot

By Jeremy Meltingtallow

(For an enlarginated view of this cartoon, click Santa’s hat ball.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Dueling Santas.

As my regular readers know, I’ve recently been very busy with the torturous details of moving headquarters from the Brooklyn to L.A. One of my many reasons for the move is to be closer to Brad and Angelina; I’m very worried about their marriage and if I can help in any way, I  want to be close.

Currently, I am sitting in a room that resembles a bad art project wherein someone attempted to build a replica of the Grand Canyon out of filthy, old, marked-up boxes. It is depressing and it will take many weeks to get all of this stuff sorted and out of sight. If it is even possible.

As long as I’m boring you with the tedious details of my personal life, let me tell you that my Bizarro deadlines are grossly overdue. I was supposed to turn in a week’s worth of cartoons last Tuesday but could not because my moving van (pregnant with my art supplies, computer equipment, desk and chair) was still en route from NYC. It didn’t arrive until Thursday afternoon and I spent all day Friday digging around for the supplies needed to do some new cartoons.

I found them late yesterday and, much to my chagrin, my fancy-pants, expensive, state-of-the-art, Wacom Cintiq computer screen was crushed and broken. Fortunately, it still works and I hope to be able to cobble together seven cartoons before it catches fire.

The next few weeks will be a nightmare of work, sorting, storing, cleaning, arranging, and financial worries. Moving isn’t cheap. Thrown into the mix is the loneliness of solitary living for the first time in a decade.

Enough with the heartstrings, let’s talk about these cartoons:

1. Does it alarm or surprise you that Santa spelled sideways is “Satan?” Me either. (Don’t miss the background joke of the leg hold fur trap on the window mannequin’s foot.)

2. Are you sorry that Custer met a bloody, painful death at Little Bighorn? Me either.

3. If these hunters were vegan, they wouldn’t be cooking eggs. Or hunting, for that matter, but then I’d have no joke.

4. I love this gag but now wish I’d used, “Tzu. Shih Tzu.”

5. My foot had a nightmare last night that it belonged to Governor Rick Perry and was constantly in his mouth.

Here is the perfect holiday gift for somebody you love or hate. All proceeds from the purchase of this book will go toward buying me a new computer screen, I’m sorry to say.