Outer Space Celebs

By Jeremy Meltingtallow

Bizarro is brought to you today by Imposters.

If you’re a Bizarro Jazz Pickle and regular reader of this blog, then you know how much I likes me some baggy pants, backwards hats and bowel-shaking, bass-heavy hip-hop. I like it so much that I’ve attributed these totally awesome traits to some space explorers. Now they’re doubly awesome.

This cartoon represents some revisionist history: the version of this cartoon that I submitted and ran in newspapers depicted the helmets facing forward. I’m not sure why I didn’t turn them around in the first place. Sometimes I’m just stupid.

If you’re a reader who has never been to the U.S. and doesn’t follow Hollywood bullshit, you may not know that there is a thing called the “Hollywood Walk of Fame”. It consists of stars embedded in the sidewalks all around Hollywood, each with the name of a “star” of entertainment. Of course, one person’s star is another person’s stellar dust. In this cartoon, the child on the left has never heard of Clark Gable (a talented, accomplished actor who died much too young in 1960), and the old man on the right has never heard of Snooki (a talentless piece of Jersey beach trash who cannot be killed because of her affiliation with the Powers of Darkness.)  “Snooki” does not actually yet have a star on the Walk of Fame, but now that so many Americans confuse idiots-being-themselves-on-camera with talent, she likely will one day.

If that thought depresses you, my new book, Bizarro Heroes will cheer you up!