Anal Painting

By Jeremy Meltingtallow

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Costume That Wouldn’t Come Off.

I thought I might get an editor or two who did not want to publish this cartoon because of the phrase, “anal probe.” But no one blinked and it made it into all my client papers. I did, however, get a brief note from a reader who said it was “very inappropriate for a family newspaper.”

Everyone is different but I have a difficult time understanding people who find medical references inappropriate for families. The implication is that this person does not want to have to explain to his/her child what “anal probe” means. But what harm comes from honestly discussing biological realities with children? Are they afraid their child will begin putting objects into his own anus? I honestly don’t get it.

I began educating my two daughters in matters of biology at a very early age including such controversial topics as: where babies come from, how they got in there in the first place, how boys are driven by unseen evolutionary forces which will make them behave entirely differently before and after sex, why this may make them feel crappy (my daughters), what homosexuality is and how they’ll know when the time comes if they are, which drugs are dangerous and why, which drugs are not, how their degree of legality or illegality may have nothing to do with their safety, why masturbation is fun and harmless, why you shouldn’t do it in public, etc.

Lo and behold, both of my daughters grew up to respect and protect their bodies regarding sex and drugs,  made mature choices in both regards, and used their brains rather than superstition to guide their behavior. If you respect your kid by giving them knowledge, they respect themselves.

Or, maybe the comment came from someone who believes aliens are inappropriate.

I’ve worked face painting booths before and it’s really fun. For about 20 minutes. Then you begin to feel really guilty about your desire to squeeze the children’s necks until they stop making noise and fall asleep forever.

A roller brush would have made the job easier. My known associate, Wayno, has this to say about this cartoon.


My new book is cheap and perfect for holiday gifts!


So is all this other stuff with my cartoons on it!