October 27th, 2011

Toll Phone Super Tramp

by Wayno & Piraro

Bizarro is brought to you today by Pickup Artist.

It’s funny how men just buy stuff for women they find attractive. CHNW will be standing at a lunch counter waiting for a take-out order, which usually includes lunch for me, her husband, and she’ll strike up a conversation with some guy standing there waiting for his food, too, and when her bill comes, he’ll pay for it. She says, “thanks,” gathers her food and comes home. And of course, she never has to pay for a drink in a bar if she doesn’t want to. I guess I should send her car shopping sometime and see if she can score a new BMW. This doesn’t happen to men so I’ve no idea what it must be like. And I’ve never tried this approach on women myself, so I don’t know if it ever pays off. Perhaps there are women who will sleep with a stranger because he bought them something. I don’t think I’d be interested in a woman like that. I want a woman who is attracted to me for my thrift.

For some stupid reason, when I drew the cartoon at left, I used the term “PDA” instead of “phone.” That’s the way it appeared in newspapers. A reader wrote to me and asked if anyone still says PDA, and why I didn’t just say “phone.” Of course. Duh. I don’t know what I was thinking. So I changed it for this post. I’ll have to remember that if this cartoon ever gets into a book.

Speaking of books, I have a really fun new book out, all about comic book super heroes. Please order a bunch for holiday gifts or whatever. If this damn thing doesn’t sell, I’ll be living in a box under the Brooklyn Bridge and never get another publishing contract. The book comes with my personal guarantee: If you don’t think this is a terrific product, I’ll personally give you permission to just get rid of it and forget all about it.

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To complete today’s post, here is another cartoon about a pick-up artist. I’ve never hit on a woman in a bar in my life, and I’ve spent most of my 78 years in bars. I suppose it is because I don’t trust women who go home with guys they met in a bar. Being introduced to someone through a mutual acquaintance is a different thing altogether, but to walk up to a woman in a bar with some line makes me feel like a stalker. It just seems really creepy. Although the biggest reason people under a certain age even go to bars is to be picked up so I’m obviously being too judgmental. I guess it just isn’t my thing.

If you’re a woman who has been successfully picked up in a bar, let me know what the guy said as in introduction. I can’t think of anything that doesn’t reek of Ted Bundy.

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