My 38 ft. Uninvited Backyard Pet

By Jeremy Meltingtallow

Meet Gloria the Sasquash, who sprouted from a spot two feet from the compost pile and has made her way more than halfway across the lawn. These days I mow around her.

She’s very busy making bright yellow babies of unknown classification. Anyone have a guess?

How Gloria arrived to sprout in the first place is a mystery to me, as I have not eaten anything that looks like her babies nor decorated with anything like them on my harvest table.

I will assume, for now, that aliens brought her, as she is making her own crop circles on my lawn.