September 2nd, 2011
Bulletproof
by Wayno & Piraro
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Bizarro is brought to you today by Painful Inconvenience.
You: Dan, you usually post on Wednesday, but today is Thursday. What gives?
Me: Yeah, I wanted to post yesterday but I was a day behind on my deadlines so I had to work.
You: How come you were behind? If that’s not too personal.
Me: No, it’s fine. I lost nearly a whole day’s work on Monday because CHNW and I decided to go for a quick lunch on the motorcycle and got hit by a car.
You: Oh my gosh! Are you okay?
Me: No, we were both killed. (laughs) Just kidding, we’re fine. Well, very bruised and scraped up but no broken bones or loss of I.Q.
You: I’m happy to hear that! So what happened?
Me: We were driving down a main street in our neighborhood when a guy in a minivan just pulled out of a side street right in front of us. I swerved but could not avoid his front bumper as he crossed our lane to turn left. The bike and its precious cargo went down to the pavement.
You: Is bouncing your body off of asphalt at 30 mph as much fun as it sounds like?
Me: Yes.
You: What happened to the jerk who hit you?
Me: To be fair, I didn’t meet the man so I can’t say if he is a jerk. All I know for certain is that he drives like one. He got popped by the cops for running a stop sign and altering the health of two law-abiding citizens against their will.
You: How badly damaged is your motorcycle? You really loved that thing, didn’t you?
Me: Don’t talk about it in the past tense as if it were dead, I still love it! The front is mashed up pretty well but my mechanic is looking at it today and is going to give me his opinion. I’m hoping for the best.
You: I just realized you said this 
accident happened Monday.
Me: That’s right.
You: The Monday before that, you wrote about feeling your first earthquake. A few days later you survived your first hurricane. Now a motorcycle wreck to finish out the week.
Me: What are you getting at?
You: What are your plans for the future?
Me: Well, our local firehouse is on call in case our building explodes, the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta is standing by should we need to be quarantined with some extraterrestrial virus, and we’re both carrying loaded shotguns 24/7 in case of a large-scale zombie attack.
You: Sounds like you’ve got it covered.
Me: Do you hear that?
You: What?
Me: It’s like a deep, humming sound.
You: Yeah, I do hear it now.
Me: (looks out window) Locusts!!
For a glimpse at Wayno’s story about his skeleton cartoon above, click this here now why not?
