Identical (sic) Problems

By Jeremy Meltingtallow

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I’ve often wondered what the romantic life of identical twins is like. They share a scary big amount of genetic material and often have virtually identical likes and dislikes, even when separated at birth, meaning that there is a dang good chance they’d be attracted to the same people. So what if your brother manages to snag what you consider to be the “perfect woman” and you feel like your own spouse is only “pretty good”? Plus, after a few years, everybody gets tired of their spouse, no matter how great they are, and fantasize that someone else whom they do not know so well would be better. This seems like a recipe for heartache and disaster. If you know a twin story on this subject, let’s hear it. If you are an identical twin and have some personal insight on this, let’s hear about that, too. I’m not really looking for darkness, I’m just curious.

I like me a good psychiatry gag, as regular readers know, and this one is fun. I chose the name “Mr. Ortega” because that is the name of one of my best long-time friends and he’d do the same to me if he got the chance.  We have one of those typical male relationships where we tear each other down all the time for sport. For the record, he’s not a transvestite and would, in fact, make just about the ugliest woman you could imagine. If someone comments on this post under the name “Monkey Boy”, it’s probably him.

Here’s a smarty-pants gag about the fancy English that editors and academics use. I don’t have any idea what it means –– it came from my smarty-pants friend, Cliff, who used to be a doctor and assured me it is funny. Most doctors are real smart, I guess, so if you know one, ask him/her what this means. Then laugh.

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