Pie Swallower Sideshow

Bizarro is brought to you today by True Patriotism!

Hope all of you readers in the U.S. had a jazztown, hootenanny, goodtimes Independence Day weekend! I just woke up hours ago in a gutter at Coney Island where I spent July 4th. No idea what happened between then and now, but I’m back at headquarters safe and (reasonably) sound.

Here are three new cartoons for your eye lamps. I’ve done a few pie chart cartoons over the years but this is perhaps my favorite. Sometimes dumb is just funnier than deep.

While at Coney Island this past weekend, I visited their famed Freak Show. These days, freak shows mostly eliminated the display of deformed people and animals, and rely instead only on performers doing weird stuff. The lady at left, we’ll call her “Not Nora,” was perhaps the dullest of all the acts they featured; her claim to fame being that no one can remember her name. So what? It’s not nearly as exciting as watching someone shove a 2-foot sword down their throat (which they have) or put torches out by shoving them into their mouth (which they also have).

A guy teaching pinatas how to defend themselves might be a good act, but they don’t have that one yet. Instead, I watched a guy connect a bowling ball on chains to his pierced-ear holes and swing around in a circle, and another guy lie on a bed of nails while people stood on him. (Forget the nails, I would not take my shirt off and let someone stand on me after they’ve been walking around Coney Island.) This gave everyone the willies, but fortunately, they don’t charge extra for those at Coney Island. In fact, just walking down the street on a crowded day like July 4th is plenty enough to give you the willies, if that’s your thing.

If not, you could just spend a relaxing day lounging on the beach. But bring a crowbar.