Escapes and Expirations

By Jeremy Meltingtallow

Bizarro is brought to you today by Portable Seagull Manufacturing Machine.

It is fairly common in TV shows and movies for people to be locked into the trunk of a car. Oftentimes they are not even handcuffed or bound, just thrown in wailing and flailing, apparently helpless until someone lets them out. What you should know if this should ever happen to you––and if TV and movies are any reflection of real life, it will––is that in most any car still on the road, there is a latch inside the trunk so you can get out. Just feel around the lock area for a T-shaped plastic thingy and pull it. Trunk pops open, you climb out. Before attempting this, however remember these two important points: 1. Wait until the vehicle has stopped before jumping out. Leaping from a speeding trunk can be even more dangerous than being locked inside. 2. Once out, run perpendicular to the car so the driver doesn’t just jam in into reverse and knock you back into the trunk.

Some may say that this cartoon about a prisoner on death row is not funny because execution is not funny. But that is only true if the person being executed is not someone who has been the bane of your existence for as long as you can remember and you have not been praying for their demise for more than two decades. If you are having trouble enjoying this cartoon, just imagine that the person in your life who fits this description is wearing the orange jumpsuit. If you’re one of those insufferable people who cannot find it in themselves to hate anyone no matter how rotten they are, just skip it and move on to the next cartoon.

Oh, damn, this is another cartoon about death so you may not enjoy this one, either. Sorry. Maybe try again tomorrow.




Who wants a T-shirt, onesy, or panties with one of these cartoons on them? YOU DO!  MOB...  EXECUTION VULTURES