Sexy Texty Sox

By Jeremy Meltingtallow

Bizarro is brought to you today by When Plants and Machines Fall in Love.

Here’s another gag from my collaborator, Wayno. He’s about my age and has been married for 16 decades, so he knows of what he speaks. I’m not saying that Wayno and his lovely wife haven’t got a good sex life. I’m sure they do. But nature has a way of tossing molasses into your libido when you’ve been with the same partner for a long time. For men, that is often anything more than 18 months. No offense intended, just stating the evolutionary facts.

If your love life is experiencing a touch of malaise, try a few of these hints that CHNW and I have found helpful:

1. Costumes. CHNW has always had a thing for Frida Kahlo and I’ve had the hots for Betty Rubble since I was a kid. The result is not something you’ll see on The History Channel.

2. Send the female in the relationship to method acting classes. Then have her pretend she is a man. Men are always horny.

3. Ask a dog how they manage. They never get tired of humping things, often even after they’ve been neutered.

It surprises me that most people seem to type with their thumbs when texting. As a casual glance will affirm, the thumb is the least pointy digit on the human hand. If you’re getting a lot of typos and auto corrections in your texts, the solution could be as simple as using any one of the other eight pointy fingers to type. If, on the other hand, you enjoy the random accuracy of a blunt object and your thumbs don’t give you as many errors as you’d like, try using your nose or knee.

I don’t actually know how to darn a sock since I’m not a 19th century farmer’s wife, but I suppose people still do this. I just wear the sock with the hole in it until it is uncomfortable, then I throw it in the rag bin. I guess I’m just a spoiled rich white liberal. The idea for the darn/damn connection as it pertains to socks was sent to me by a woman with whom I attended school in the last century. Perhaps she is now a farmer’s wife; I have no idea. Nonetheless, thanks to Julie B. for the humor seed.

How many objets d’art would you like to own with these cartoons on them? It’s as fun and easy as clicking these keywords: SEXTEXTS SOX…