Invisible Powers

By Jeremy Meltingtallow

Bizarro is brought to you today by March Madness!

It seems lately I’ve heard a lot of people asking what super power you would have if you could choose. I’ve always been torn between flying and invisibility. Flying would be pure fun but not terribly practical–invisibility would have endless uses, both fun and profitable. So I would choose invisibility, but only if I didn’t have to get naked to do it. In books and movies, invisibility often means that only your biological self is invisible, so in order not to be detected you have to be completely naked and cannot carry anything with you. A floating cell phone would attract a lot of attention I would think, and having to be naked would make cold weather a complete non-starter.

My brand of invisibility would include my clothing and two carry-on items (cell phone, wallet), as well as anything I wanted to pick up. That way I would be able to steal money from the bank. With this power, I could both help mankind (by goosing certain politicians during speeches and press conferences, thus making them seem [even more] insane, fight crime, crush drug cartels, you name it) and have tons of fun by going on vacation with celebrities. If the tub was large enough, I could even take a bath with Penelope Cruz.

What super power would you like to have? Doesn’t have to be a predictable choice like mine. Maybe you’d want to be able to converse with animals or make people stop talking just by looking at them. I would totally dig being able to shut off car stereos by snapping my fingers.

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