Irish Gay Smoking Hatred

By Jeremy Meltingtallow

Bizarro is brought to you today by Hybrids.

It is St. Patrick’s Day today and to commemorate it, I’m spending most of it worrying that Matthew McConaughey will star in a movie that I really want to see. Not only does he have far too many letters in his last name (blame the Irish) he reminds me of the sort of arrogant rednecks I grew up with in Oklahoma and Texas. He may well be a terrifically nice person, but I can’t watch him on screen. It hurts.

But let’s be clear; my distaste for him has nothing to do with his assumed Irishness. I’m part Irish, too, on my mother‘s side. That’s likely why I’m poetic, drunk and get into lots of fights. I can make those kinds of ethnic jokes about the Irish because I am part Irish. I think that’s a rule, isn’t it?

Now let’s talk about homosexuals. This gag was suggested to me by my good friend and occasional collaborator, Cliff, who is not a homosexual as far as I or his wife knows. My editors worried that we might get some negative mail from this one but so far we’ve only received one complaint. This is the entire letter:

“I didn’t see the humor in it, and I don’t understand why he or his editors found it humorous. There’s nothing funny about being gay.”

I’ve never been gay so I can’t judge if there is humor in it. But a disproportionate number of extremely funny people I have known in my life are gay. I realize it is purely anecdotal, but I’m inclined to believe there is, in fact, something funny about it. (I am also inclined to believe the writer of this note is straight.) Nonetheless, this cartoon isn’t about how funny it is to be gay. It is about word play and words have no sexual orientation that I am aware of.

In contrast, I received no negative comments about this anti-smoking cartoon. Everyone hates smokers these days. Smokers even hate themselves. I am a smoker (although not an “inhaler” because I smoke cigars) and do not hate myself, but I do hate that I can’t smoke anywhere indoors unless I own the property. I’m not saying I want to  smoke indoors everywhere, I just think it would be nice if some restaurants and bars allowed it. They could cater specifically to smokers. Yes, I know, the people who work there would be exposed to health risks and people can’t always choose where they work they have to take whatever job they can get and…oh, never mind. Let’s all just hate smokers and be done with it.

Here’s your big chance to get fine products with these cartoons on them. Don’t miss it! AntlersHomophoneSmoking.