Life Coaching Tips

By Jeremy Meltingtallow

Bizarro is brought to you today by Designer Eyewear.

I come to you today with valuable tips to help you manage your life. Think of me as your life coach, only without the spandex shorts and the whistle around my neck.

At some point in our lives, virtually all of us experience a shortage of cash. But that doesn’t mean you can’t live well. With just a little imagination and elbow grease, you can make many common household items yourself.

Furniture, for instance, can be constructed out of wood, metal, glass, upholstery, stuffing, glue, nails and staples. Carpets can be woven out of wool, easily attained from a sheep, or cotton, available from a plant. You can make your own clothing, too. Just get some fabric and thread and a pair of sharp scissors. Cooking appliances like microwaves, ovens and stoves are wonderful conveniences, but they don’t do anything that fire won’t do just as well. To build a fire, just get a small quantity of flammable substance, put it in a pile and add a lit match.

Many people are intimidated by the subject of transportation. “How can I build my own car, train or airplane?” they worry aloud. No need, my friend. If you can walk, you can travel. Just balance your body above your feet, place one foot in front of the other in alternating fashion, shifting your weight forward with each step. Before you know it, you’ll be somewhere other than you are now. (To walk backward, reverse this process.)

Do you like video games but cannot afford an electronic gaming system? Sit at your window or in a public place and imagine that passersby are aliens intent on destroying the earth. Now point your finger at them and make a shooting sound with your mouth each time a pedestrian comes into view. Give yourself 10,000 points for each person you successfully “shoot.” As you get better, advance to a higher level by moving to a more crowded location. (This game is not recommended for airports.)

Looking for cheap food? Believe it or not, much of the food you see in stores comes from nature. Use the travel method described above to get yourself out in the country. Simply find plants that are easily digestible and not poisonous, and chow down!

If you have a good idea about how to save money by making your own stuff, leave it in the comments section.

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