By Jeremy Meltingtallow

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Future.

Thanks for all the suggestions and comments about the new blog. “Opening links in a new window” was preferred nearly four to one, so that’s the way I’ll keep it. On my Mac, a quick “command,” “w” will close the new window and bring you right back to the blog page. I’m sure there’s something similarly easy on PCs.

Today’s cartoon: are you the sort of person who would want to know the sex of the baby, or would you prefer to be surprised? I once had two babies, five years apart, and I strongly favored being surprised. Not so much because I like surprises as because in a pregnancy, the father has only two enjoyable roles: putting the baby in there and calling people to let them know if it is a boy or a girl. I was lucky, neither of my kids was a hermaphrodite–I’m not sure what that phone call would be like.

“The baby was born this morning at 5:21 am and weighed 8lbs., 2 oz.”

“Is it a boy or a girl?”

“We’re told we can decide later.”

As I recall–and I admit that I’ve blocked a lot of the memories out–the rest of the pregnancy process is very difficult and unpleasant for the father. Yes, ladies, I know it is difficult on the mother, too. That’s my point. It has been my experience that what is difficult for a woman is generously shared with the spouse. It is something of a chicken-or-the-egg question: What’s more difficult–going through a tribulation, or watching and caring for someone going through a tribulation? Being nauseous, having a backache, feeling ugly, being paranoid, having to pee every 47 seconds, having the emotional stability of a teenage baboon on crack, or being the person who caused these delightful symptoms and standing next to her for nine months? It’s my blog, so I say it’s a toss up.

Everyone has great aspirations for their children. I once hoped one of my daughters would be the first female president. But one day I turned on Fox News and realized that being president is something I’d only wish on my worst enemy, and began hoping instead that they’d be relatively happy and able to afford to live indoors. I got my wish on all accounts.

Speaking of getting your wish, wouldn’t it be cool if you could get this cartoon on various fine products and give them to somebody you know who is about to give birth? Wish granted! Click here.