July 15th, 2019

HORMONAL TEENS HAVE KISSING SESSION INTERRUPTED BY DEPARTMENT SALESMAN (MONDAY MOCK NEWS)

by Edgar

Teenage couple Jeremy Duncan and Sara Toomey went to the mall on a date this past weekend. What seemed to be some innocent shopping inside the furniture section of Sears turned into a full-blown make-out session. That is, until they were interrupted by department salesman Danny Tucker. “They were getting way too comfortable on our beds and couches, so I thought this was the perfect opportunity for a sale,” says Tucker. “Sadly, looks like someone told them to ‘get a room’ and they chose to come here instead.”

 

We managed to catch up to Duncan for comment right before getting into his beat-up minivan. “For once, I didn’t have my mom hovering over me and Sara, or asking me to set up the Wi-Fi for the 50th time or fix her Netflix or something like that, so of course we’re going to enjoy our time here,” explains Duncan. “Hey, are you into music at all? I have a band called ‘Goat Cheese Pizza.’ We played at Warped Tour last year. Maybe you beautiful people behind the camera want free tickets to our next show?”

 

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