July 15th, 2019

HORMONAL TEENS HAVE KISSING SESSION INTERRUPTED BY DEPARTMENT SALESMAN (MONDAY MOCK NEWS)

by Edgar

Teenage couple Jeremy Duncan and Sara Toomey went to the mall on a date this past weekend. What seemed to be some innocent shopping inside the furniture section of Sears turned into a full-blown make-out session. That is, until they were interrupted by department salesman Danny Tucker. “They were getting way too comfortable on our beds and couches, so I thought this was the perfect opportunity for a sale,” says Tucker. “Sadly, looks like someone told them to ‘get a room’ and they chose to come here instead.”

We managed to catch up to Duncan for comment right before getting into his beat-up minivan. “For once, I didn’t have my mom hovering over me and Sara, or asking me to set up the Wi-Fi for the 50^th time or fix her Netflix or something like that, so of course we’re going to enjoy our time here,” explains Duncan. “Hey, are you into music at all? I have a band called ‘Goat Cheese Pizza.’ We played at Warped Tour last year. Maybe you beautiful people behind the camera want free tickets to our next show?”

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