July 7th, 2019
Car crashes are seeing an increase in numbers every year. And who are to blame for it? “Why, millennials, of course,” according to 51-year old local Phil Witmore. “Just ask your Uncle Bill when you go to your next family reunion. I don’t care if they claim it’s not their fault and are pointing their fingers at the Gen Z crowd. Apparently there is a difference? I call nonsense!”
Enter Eugene Gordon, a local driving instructor. He devoted himself to teach the younger generation how to drive safely while keeping their wants and needs in mind. “In this obsessive digital age, we need to cater to the young ones,” says Gordon. “How else would my students know how and when to scroll through their Facebook while speaking with Jessica over the car’s Bluetooth as they speed through a yellow light?”
Surprisingly, every student he’s ever had has passed their driving exam with perfect scores. “It’s good to feel noticed,” says Karen Johnson, one of Gordon’s recent students. “Mr. Gordon has made me feel very confident in my abilities to drive and Snapchat at the same time, all with avoiding traffic and not getting into a single accident. This is the future of driving! I can’t wait to get bag on the road and brag all about it over the phone with Jessica!”
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