May 20th, 2019

MONDAY MOCK NEWS: REAL BEARS TRY GUMMI BEARS FOR THE FIRST TIME… DOESN’T GO WELL FOR THEM

by Tea

MONDAY MOCK NEWS: REAL BEARS TRY GUMMI BEARS FOR THE FIRST TIME… DOESN’T GO WELL FOR THEM

A couple of bears in the local woods have gotten their hands on an oversized stash of gummi bears from a candy shop. Located in the nearby town of Weirdsville, the candy shop’s security cameras caught footage of the bears sneaking in through the front door last night at approximately 11:12 P.M., about 3 hours after closing time. No one was there to witness the event unfold.

“This is absolutely bonkers,” said Andy Whoman, the owner of the candy store, “I’ve seen some weird stuff happen around here, but this takes the cake. Candy is a huge hazard to these animals, so I hope someone captures them before they get poisoned or something!” Unfortunately, that’s not exactly how it transpired for these bears.

At around 10:30 A.M, rangers found some life-sized gummi bears alongside a sack of half-eaten gummi bears deep inside the woods. The sack had the name of the candy shop on it. According to animal forensics, the perpetrators transformed into gummi bears after having eaten most of the stolen supplies. “I’ve never seen anything like it,” said animal forensics expert David Bear, “It’s like the gummi material just manifested on them inside-out. I can’t bare this sight. Please don’t feed this candy to any form of wildlife!”