March 10th, 2014
by Wayno & Piraro
Bizarro is brought to you today by Protecting Your Chocolate With Nails.
For centuries, people have thought that the pyramids in Egypt were burial thingies because mummies have been found inside. But archeologists have discovered that this was actually a later adaptation of the pyramids, which were originally built as ski slopes. We now know that aliens (from what is now Mexico) visited Egypt in the -23rd century and sold the local Tut on investing in what they promised would be a huge moneymaker for the region. They taught them how to build pyramids but it took them so long to complete them that the aliens lost interest before they were finished and returned home before giving them the formula for artificial snow. The gigantic construction project cost a fortune and became a huge embarrassment to the local politicians who approved it, so the locals killed them and buried them inside the phony mountains.
On a personal note, those of you who are familiar with my “hidden icons” will notice that this cartoon features the most elaborate “upside-down bird” ever.
BIZARCHEOLOGY: On this same date in 1997, the following cartoon about an innocent shopping mishap appeared in Bizarro. Note that the colors are flat and garish. This was from a time when I could not color my own cartoons on computer but instead, had to designate colors with little numbers that represent CMYK mixes for a printer to fill in. This required a lot of guesswork and I never really knew what it was going to look like until it appeared in papers. I hate the colors but I still really like this gag.
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